was so close to death..

never cross in my mind i 'll passing these moment..

had 5 weeks fetus in my womb, it's quite shocking me. wondering, 'coz i'm using contraception.
don't now how, it's just happen.
i realize, there's some power that we can't deny it. althought we had prevent that.
we (me &mas ai)consule to the female obstetricians (after we have along arguing, as usual heheh..) . she is the nicest doctor i ever met. (love u mrs.nuriah)

it was so suddenly, that i couldn't have proper time to considering, what should i do?
she help us, to made decission. curettage. on tuesday, 2 pm.

the night before the execution, i pray to God. i want this baby, i wanna keep it, i just feel it a girl, a lovely girl. i also told that to ms ai. but, he said this not a appropriate time.

tuesday, 1 pm. nurse put in a rectal medication. half an hour it start squeezing my womb.
2 am, i layed down on the bad in straddle posistion. anesthetic injected into the palm of my hand. "god, mercy me for thoes sins i made. mom, forgive me for not being a obedient daughter fr u, kids..forgive me can't accompaning u both grow up.."
felt so light, still can hear all the doctor & the crew chat,,lay down in the middle of soft mattres
surrounding all over my body.
.. few minutes pass, hear mas ai sound (and i felt it was so long time i'm not hear his voice. and i miss it) i can feel he carry away my body, to move to the next bed.

slow but sure, i become conscious.."my older son : adeant, my little boy : rifki "
allhamdulillah, i'm back again.
seems i just got back from the journey to other world, i don't know where,, ,,,

really greatfull , mas ai never stay away from me. pra and pasca the surgery..
he really take a good care of me..
the affect of anesthetic still affecting me...queasy,can't stand still, sleeepy..and, starving..

a cup bowl of soup & a glass hot tea. that's all i want. mas ai turn on the bike to beringin.
take medicine, take a shower, really made me back to normal.

and here i am. sitting on this chair, infront of my netbook. writing all those moments, that..i was so close to the death..